Thankful For The Little While

I want to thank Alan Pedersen for something he has taught me. I believe I was already there, however, he opened my eyes. He taught me it is no longer about how our sweet Amanda died, it is about how she lived.

Sometimes I still find myself slumping into simply memories of her death, but, thankfully, my thoughts return to her precious life, which now takes precedence. How she lived brings joy and hope, and buries the thoughts of her death.

From her first minute to her very last, Mandy was a real fighter. My mom always called her “a ring-tailed tooter”! She was mischievous and sometimes a little rambunctious, so I guess my mom was right! That personality trait carried her through a great deal of sorrow and pain, but she did it with a great deal of positivity and dignity. With a little attitude thrown in.

She always expressed to us the desire that she didn’t want to be remembered for how she died. For some reason we forgot that right after she died, and we focused on her death. I understand that is typical for people in early grief. We held close those very sad memories, contrary to what she requested. I’m not saying we were wrong, I’m saying we were grieving, and our mourning focused on her death.

As time passed I found that I was doing just what Alan said. I was focusing on her amazing and wonderful life. She was smart, funny, caring, loving, ambitious, beautiful, talented, and yes slightly annoying! As I spend the time thinking about her life, I honor her through all the good memories of the time she was with us, not the time we lost.

Obviously, I would love to have her back, and often think about the years she missed. But I do have wonderful memories of her short thirty-three years. Clinging to them helps me keep her alive in my heart and soul. She is still here in spirit, and I am so grateful I have that to cling to as I live my days one at a time.

Remembering Mandy and her wonderful life is much easier on my heart and digestive system. Thank you Alan for helping me see what changes I have made.

Thank you Mom, now you can be with our little “ring tailed tooter “ before we get there.

Mary