The Holiday Season

This year I am ready for the holidays. I cannot believe it, but I AM ready.  Certainly not because of anything I have done, but just the same I’m ready.  Every year I wonder how I will survive the season with all of the memories and traditions.  Today I realize it is those very things that have made me ready.

Since February 5, 2009 I have survived these special days by a thread, but today I am excitedly looking forward to the entire two months. Why? I’m not really sure, but I’ll try to share what I think is the answer.
When Bob and I first started attending TCF we felt so alone and lost. Facing holidays was facing devastation for us. At TCF, there were some wonderful people with some wonderful experiences about anything and everything including holidays. I had people who knew just what we were facing, but I dreaded them telling me what they had done to face the season. No matter what they said, I wasn’t ready. Some help ended up being great, and I have added it to my life; some I have not added . These people were years ahead of us on this long journey and their help was exactly what we needed, maybe not right away, but eventually.
Many people told us to just go someplace, and get away from everything. Go someplace or just forget the date altogether. Don’t worry about decorations, company, gifts, traditions. That solution didn’t seem to fit for us. We both wavered, trying to decide what we should do with Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas right around the corner. Thankfully, with all of the wonderful help, we realized we were the ones who had to decide what we would do – and we did it!
We jumped in with both feet!!

I didn’t want to give up all of the fun and excitement of the holiday season, but honestly wasn’t certain I could face it. I felt encouraged by other bereaved parents and siblings to forge ahead with holiday plans. To be fair our six year old granddaughter, now without a mommy, was another reason we jumped into holidays. She had certainly had enough to go through, so that first year we decided missing holidays would not be on the list.
I have to thank her for all of her help that first year – even though she was not aware she was helping !!
I cannot tell you what to do, what will work for you. Your solution has to be yours. While all of us can share what worked for us, you will have to decide what is best for you. All I can say is to be kind to yourself, and do not expect too much from yourself. No matter what you decide to do, don’t second guess yourself. I hope you all have a calm and peaceful holiday season.

Mary